Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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