There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
