I feel great
I just peed on a car
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
