Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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