On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
