the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
