I will die if light touches me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
