____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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