Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
