matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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