I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
