Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
