he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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