sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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