No stitches, just platelets and will power
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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