well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
