chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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