i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
