i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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