why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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