i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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