They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this boner is exhausting
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
