I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
