I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
