she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
