So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
