3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
