Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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