I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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