well you can't waste a boner
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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