your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
