I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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