My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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