I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
