I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
