Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
