Just fell off a train. Bad.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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