dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
