plz talk dirty to me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
