Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
