This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
