Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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