now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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