She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
