My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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