omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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