vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
