maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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