Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
