i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
