Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
