And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
