He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
