don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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