Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
